Several years ago, I started studying jujitsu. My motivations had to do mostly with self-defense as well as getting in a great workout. One of the other things I found exhilarating was the cerebral aspect of jujitsu. If you’ve never grappled before, it probably looks pretty slow and boring. Certainly not as exciting to watch as two musclebound fighters dancing around the ring landing flurries of blows on each other..

But, as the two jujitsu opponents are rolling around on the ground, there is an intense chess match going on. Each one is looking for an opening to take advantage of to bring an end to the match by making their opponent tap out. Often times, you have to be thinking two or three moves ahead. You make a move, hope your opponent will take the bait, and then you surprise him with the follow-up.

When I first started doing apologetics, I brought this mindset to the conversations I was having. I was having. I was more interested in getting my point across than understanding the other person’s point of view. Someone would say something that I had studied about, and rather than take the time to clarify what they mean, I thought “oh I know the counter to this move!” I saw it as the opportunity to dump some wisdom on them or counter with a rock solid defense I had worked up against their position. The problem here, though, is that by being so ready to punch back, I was often swinging at a target that wasn’t even there.

The Ambassador model that we are to follow has three components; knowledge, wisdom and character. Typically, as a new case maker, we start with knowledge. We’ve heard all the attacks against Christianity, and we are anxious to know the counter to those attacks. We want to know how to defend what we believe. We think of ourselves more like a Defender of The Realm than an ambassador. We hit the gym, develop our reflexes, learn how to see a choke hold coming, and then learn how to counter it with our own attack.

For better or for worse, I brought this trait to Christian case making. I know Christianity is true, and I know how much it is a part of my life. So, when I sensed it under attack, or heard someone taking a particular view on something I’ve been studying up on, I often times get too excited to show off this great wisdom or defense that I had developed.

I walked away from Christianity shortly after I went to college. Mostly because I never heard Christians offering up intelligent defenses of what they believed when Christianity came under attack. It felt like reason and logic were on the side of the non-religious. But, once I discovered apologetics, that all changed. 1 Peter 3:15 tells us we have to be ready to give a defense for what we believe. And I was ready! Christianity needed a defender, and I was the guy for the job. I was prepared to throw up the shield of reason to defend what it is I believe. And I was ready to fight back when called upon.

The problem with thinking of yourself as some sort of fighter or gladiator when you are defending your position is you tend to walk around in a heightened state of alert. You hear a key phrase about a topic like relativism, abortion, or inaccuracies regarding Jesus and you spring into action. But, sometimes, you are perceiving a threat that isn’t there. Or at least doesn’t need the type of response you come back with. Sometimes, we counter with a rear-naked choke when all the person did was take their hands out of their pockets.

This is why thinking of yourself as a warrior or fighter when defending the Christian world view is the wrong mindset. Using the knowledge we gain through study, we end up clobbering people with it instead of guiding them to the cross. The goal of arguing for Christianity isn’t to win the argument; it’s to clear away any obstacles that person may have.

Remember, when you are having a disagreement about something, you need to listen more than you talk. Your first instinct should be to ask questions. Let the other person develop what it is they are trying to say. What you find out pretty quickly is that people have rarely thought through their positions. They just spit party lines they have heard other people say. I know I did.

That’s why asking questions is an easy way to have a conversation. You don’t have to do any of the work. Often times once you begin walking people through what they are saying, they will really be thinking through their positions for the first time.

Also, don’t think of the questions you ask like you are laying a logical trap for them to fall into. You’re not trying to catch them in an awkward position to work in a submission hold. You are asking questions because you care about them and want to know what they think.

Dealing with disagreement can be hard. But, if you think of it more like the meaningful conversation that is, and less like a battle of wits, you will be able to keep up the attitude required to help make the case for the Christian world view.